Breaking Up With Our Bullsh!t

So much Bullsh!t, So Little Time

July 4, 2021

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News flash: I am full of shit.

And before you interject and say I’m being hard on myself (or, if you know me and are nodding your head vigorously in agreement), I’ll say something else - so are you.

I don’t mean this as an insult, but as a statement of fact. But as being “full of shit” is a term wide open to interpretation and application, I’ll explain what I mean, because I am talking about a specific kind of shit that we can be full of (or should that be, “of which we can be full”? Wait…what?):

I call it Bullsh!t, and yes, the unique spelling is on purpose. This kind of shit isn’t the literal kind, or the “this guy is totally lying to make himself look good” kind, or the “he’s a politician, so what do you expect” kind.

No, Bullsh!t is very specific - it refers to stories that we all can make up about ourselves and other people when we are responding to difficult feelings or circumstances. These stories then affect our own self-esteem, negatively impact our relationships, and disconnect us from people and situations and pathways that could benefit us. And what makes these Bullsh!t?

They are entirely made up and have no basis in reality - at least, the reality of THIS moment, in the reality of Now. Which means that they are stories that do not serve us in any positive way. And, we all make them up - every single day.

So why am I stepping out of my summer hiatus to tell you this? That’s simple - to tell you that we do not have to keep making up those stories; we can let them go. We can break up with them, like we can with any bad relationship that no longer serves us. And, just as importantly, we actually have everything we need inside us to learn how to do so, and do so faster than we may think.

It’s not wishful thinking, it’s not woo-woo, and it’s not snake oil. It’s science, baby.

It is how our bodies are wired - it knows how to help us let those stories go and be in the reality of Now. Our bodies know what we need, and not just with nutrition and hydration; it also knows how to help us navigate challenging situations, feelings, and others.

I speak from experience, from the perspective of one who once spun and believed my Stories of Bullsh!t like my life depended on it. It took me nowhere helpful or positive, and about a year or so ago it took me back to very dark places that I thought I had left behind years ago in my Big Life Crash.

Fortuitously, a friend of mine stepped in to help me at that very moment, and I soon found myself on a new path to breaking up with my Bullsh!t. A handful of months later, this same friend and I coined this specific term and idea - and what it means to break up with it - as part of a new venture that I am honored she asked me to take part in.

Say hello, everyone, to Breaking Up With Our Bullsh!t.

It’s a new podcast and book project venture led by Tawny Sanabria, a licensed counselor / therapist and an emotional integration specialist. She owns a company called Integrated Growth Coaching, and her focus is on helping people identify and work through emotional challenges and traumas by understanding the intertwined relationship between their bodies, minds, and emotions. She helps people see and let go their Bullsh!t stories about whatever they are experiencing in the moment, as those stories are what really cause us stress and pain; it’s not our emotions themselves.

For example, if we experience a bad breakup, it makes sense to have strong feelings of sadness, loss, anger, and confusion. Those are normal and healthy to identify and feel. However, if we make up stories of what those feelings “mean” - “I will never find anyone,” or “I must be too messed up to be lovable,” or “the universe must not want me to be happy” - then we are disconnecting from the reality of what is happening (we are feeling sad about the breakup) and creating unhealthy and harmful responses to stories that aren’t based in any provable truth or tangible reality.

Which means they are Bullsh!t. And yet, we wreck ourselves with such stories daily, and thus end up spending a lot of time up in our heads with those stories and not in reality. But reality is where healing and change happen, and where we can realize that we have the ability to be okay in this moment.

Tawny has been doing this kind of work for twenty-plus years now, and her help has helped and changed me so profoundly over the past year or so that I have recommended her to many others. Her approach is straightforward yet compassionate, clear yet also not prescriptive. She knows how to connect people to their own talents and skills and emotional strengths, and she manages to do it with an enormous amount of kindness and good humor.

A few months ago, out of deep appreciation for her help, I suggested to Tawny that she consider writing a book about herself and her approach - part memoir, part “you all should do this stuff cuz it really works.” After she thought about it for a few days, she agreed to write a book but only with my help. I agreed, then suggested that maybe she consider creating a podcast where she could talk about her methods and maybe help others with their own Bullsh!t stories as a way to collect information and ideas for her book.

Again, she agreed to the idea after a few days - but only if I would be her cohost. So, here we are.

We are recording our first episode on July 7, and it will appear on all major podcast platforms about a week later. Video feeds of each episode from our studio will also appear on a soon-to-arrive BUWOBS YouTube channel and similar platforms. You can get regular content from Tawny and me already, though, in the show’s Facebook group, which I would encourage you to join now for regular updates and new content (almost) daily. Our Instagram and Twitter feeds will be up soon, and you should start getting used to seeing and using hashtags like #buwobs and #debunkthejunk. We will even have Awesome Swag like stickers and mugs because that kind of shit is Good. We also have some other ideas in the works on how to spread the word and get more people on board with breaking up with their own Bullsh!t.

It’s like a Big Deal and stuff.

The journey has already been quite fun and rewarding for both Tawny and me, and the response we are getting to the concept and content thus far has been overwhelming in its positivity and scope. So, we are hoping we are on to something special here that resonates with people, so please consider this your invitation to find out if it does for you.

After all, we each have our own (Bull)sh!t, don’t we?

See you all soon. And until then….

Chins Up, Everyone.