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Another Road Less Traveled. It’s how I roll, it seems.

May 31, 2021

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[Editor’s Note: A word to caution to all of you - to say that this running diary post is both raw and unfiltered is an understatement. It needed to be that way, and hopefully you’ll see why. It goes to places, and touches on subjects, that JDK doesn’t always share with even those closest to him. Some of it is downright ugly amidst all the beautiful. So, to be fair from the outset - strong subject content and coarse language ahead. Keep your arms and legs inside the carriage at all times, and enjoy the ride.]

As I sit here now, a day later and in significant pain, one thought stays dominant in my head:

You might have overdone it this year, dude.

I don’t agree with that deep down - at all - but the strongest negative emotions involved in a post-Walkabout Day hangover make a really loud case. And sometimes I mistake Loud for Truth. It’s Quiet that really tells the truth, though, and at least I’m remembering that right now, too. Loud is often The Liar.

But Loud is strong right now because I am so sore, so worn out, in every way.

Walking 32.68 miles in one day - without sitting down between sunrise and sunset (so, this year, that was from 5:16 AM - 8:56 PM PT) will do that. So why did I do it? I’ve been asked that question a lot these past few days, usually with a colorful adjective added laced with incredulity. The answer, though, is simple:

Because it’s Walkabout Day.

It’s a new tradition started by me for every Memorial Day weekend, inspired by Dean Karnazes, the famous ultramarathoner, who borrowed it respectfully from the well-known spiritual practice of the indigenous peoples of Australia. Instead of a months-long wandering, it’s for a day - without sitting down - to wander without any specific planning of where to go or what to do. The goal is to see what comes up internally via the external challenge of the process, to connect with self and with All Things Larger Than Us, and on some level, just to see what the hell happens.

It’s a larger metaphor for life, like experiencing all the elements and emotions of it in one day.

It also strips away - at least for one day - all the bullshit that I keep around and in myself. In that sense, it’s a real form of cleansing.

And it sucks. And it’s glorious fun. And it’s immense pain. And it’s full of a-ha moments, both welcome and not-so-welcome-but-I-gotta-pay-attention-because-it’s-the-goddamned-truth.

That’s Walkabout Day.

So why Memorial Day weekend? It began two years ago, when I was in Normandy, France for the 75th anniversary commemoration of the D-Day landings that began the liberation of Europe. On that trip, I spent an entire day (or nearly so) on my feet at Omaha Beach and at the American Cemetery there, where thousands of Americans who died in the 1944 Normandy campaign are buried. The place is beyond powerful, beyond words. As I reflected back on that day, I thought of Karnazes’s Walkabout concept, and decided that I’d do a Walkabout Day on Memorial Day weekend - part commemoration of the fallen, part introspection about where I am in life, how I am That Day, and where I should go next.

The American Cemetery above Omaha Beach - June 2019

A day of reflection, seeking, discovery, and gratitude.

Last year, I followed through (a big deal for me, Mr. Big Ideas Guy but not always best at Follow Through. Stop nodding, all my friends and exes. I see you), in the midst of a growing pandemic even. I went about 21 miles from where I live in Kirkland, WA and ended at a friend’s house in Issaquah (Stacy and Pete’s - a kind of home-away-from-home for me). It was a lot of fun and very challenging. I listened to podcasts as I walked and explored, got lost about three times, and made some important realizations about how I was handling a few big emotional challenges. I knew it was a tradition I wanted to build on, so I decided that, “hey, next year I should keep a running diary by talking into my phone. Won’t that be great?”

A year later, with a weekly blog and now an active weekly radio show, I had to add, “And I should publish it on my blog so readers / listeners can see it.” It’s the honest thing to do.

Damn it.

So here it is, folks. A window into the Soul of my Walkabout Day, 2021. All the areas in bold are what I dictated in real time (without any edits), and the regular typeface parts are my post-event reflections. And, while I know my posts usually include nothing but black-and-white photos, I’ll include color this week to help capture the “feel” a bit more for you.

All I wrote down, I felt and believed strongly at the time. Now? You decide.

4:45 AM: F***ing Hell it’s early….

4:46 AM: Coffee pot on

5:06 AM: Three S’s Completed

5:07 AM: Coffeeeeeeeee

5:16 AM: Sunrise - up on my feet for the day. Here we go….

5:17 - 5:33: News and weather review while standing in the living room. Forecast - totally sunny, 71 degrees, light breeze, high allergen levels.

5:34 AM: out the door

5:35 AM: back inside to grab removable long sleeves because holy moly it’s a tad cold this morning.

5:37 AM: Back out the door

Final out the door equipment list:

Best running shoes, socks and extra pair, moisture wicking tank top (sun’s out, guns out), cargo shorts with many pockets, hydration belt with zip pack - inside is debit card / ID, GU gels, band aids, two protein bars, three ziplock bags, ibuprofen; Removable long sleeve, Fitbit versa watch fully charged, Wireless earbuds with fully charged portable dock, Phone charger, Mask (just in case stores require), Stretch band, Ten packs of GU chews, Glasses and cleaning cloth, Two wicking headbands

This is a delicate art. Whatever I decide to carry with me, I’ll be carrying ALL DAY. So, finding a balance between need and comfort is paramount. I’d buy food and water / hydration along the way (hence the debit card), so I didn’t need to bring a backpack. The chews and other light snacks I’d lose as drag weight throughout the day, so the goal was to feel lighter by the end of the day as much as possible.

6:12 AM - Damn it, I forgot sunscreen. Stores open at 7!

This was the first potential disaster of the day - I couldn’t BELIEVE I’d forgotten something so vital to how the day was going to play out. I was far enough from my house that I didn’t want to go back, and I also didn’t want to slow myself down at all to wait around for stores to open. So, I went to my phone and found nearby markets and drug stores, found the one that was furthest away that would match its opening time with my arrival time, and headed for it.

6:30 AM: another coffeeeeee via Starbucks. Baristas asked what I was doing with my day, then looked at me like I was insane when I told them. Yeah, it’s going to be like that all day….

Two cups of coffee wasn’t nearly enough.

6:48 AM: Forgot to turn on Strava! Damn it I want the map of whatever route I end up taking!

At some point in the day, my Strava app must have also decided I was insane and shut off its timer while keeping its mapmaking function going. Weird. Fortunately, I really only wanted the map, as my watch kept all my other stats in real time.

6;59 AM: Bald eagle catches its breakfast. Bad morning for that fish. Eat my first snack of the morning in solidarity.

Seattle from Juanita Beach after sunrise. Eagle had breakfast literally seconds after I shot this.

7:02 AM: Man, is it quiet in my town this morning. Love it while it lasts, because people are going to go batshit crazy with excitement in this weather.

7:12 AM: Tiny Bird Brawl!! At least ten in the scrum!

I think it was a fight over a french fry, which got me thinking - who dropped a french fry at 7 AM?? Or did these birds just happen to find it by chance? And is a dropped french fry for a bird the equivalent of a human finding 10 grand in unmarked bills in the street? Yes, these are the thoughts that happen this early in a Walkabout.

7:22 AM: First song of the day - “Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles

Seemed fitting. It’s the start of a long playlist I made for another person and occasion, but fit really well on this particular day for me.

7:25 AM: first rock in shoe removed. Balancing like a flamingo to do it. I bet I look like an idiot. But no one’s watching, so why should I care? Why should I care if they are? Damn it, here we go with Sheldon.

Sheldon will be explained later.

7:44 AM: sunscreen stop! Turn off my earbuds to be sociable with the nice people stuck at work. Song playing inside - “Into the Mystic” by Van Morrison. Tears shed in aisle 2, second endcap. Then Beach Boys, “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.” Sheesh.

There are big personal stories for me with both of those songs. For that moment, though, they were PERFECT. Do you have songs like that? Ones that bring both beautiful and bittersweet memories to mind? If so, you know what I was feeling.

7:57 AM: sunscreen crisis averted. Sleeves removed. Huge sigh of relief. Banana Boat Sport 50 SPF, you shall be my Bridge Over Troubled Waters today. Don’t let me down.

It didn’t. That shit is miraculous. Well done, Banana Boat. That was a weird sentence.

8:01 AM: 10,000 steps already. I giggle. My totally random guess for total steps by the time this is over….55,000 or so.

It ended up being over 68,000. My leg cramped again just writing that.

8:20 AM: first time I don’t know where I am exactly. And, damn you to hell, cottonwood trees. Now I gotta stop for Claritin.

Then I remembered five minutes later I had some in my pack. Second crisis averted.

8:26 AM: first song to be sung out Loud - “Butterfly “ by Barry Gibb. Then “True” by Spandau Ballet. Don’t judge me - you’d do the same thing if you were here.

8:43 AM: Dear City of Bellevue - for a city with lots of money, your sidewalks sure do suck.

I just don’t get it, Bellevue. What do you have against infrastructure beyond the glitzy neighborhoods? Or is the answer that obvious?

9:00 AM: 12 hours remaining. 7.4 miles so far.

I was genuinely shocked by this total, though I don’t know why. I realized I was probably pushing too fast, doing more walking than stopping and smelling the flowers and connecting with the moment. It was a balancing act the whole day, especially once I realized I was going to go over the marathon distance of 26.2 miles by dinnertime at my current pace.

9:06 AM: running total thus far of smiling “Hello / Good Morning” exchanges with complete strangers - 14. Now 15.

9:12 AM: First twinge of soreness / pain in right knee and foot. Just like a light taste of it. But even a light taste of salt is salty, you know? Not sure if this bodes well or not.

Turned out it was neither. Just normal responses to what I was doing for how long I was doing it. It was indicative though, in retrospect, of where my worst pain center of the day would eventually be - the back of my right knee and the smack-dab center of my soles on both feet.

9:21 AM: I’d like to thank the Allman Brothers and The Kinks for showing up back-to-back. Perfect timing, fellas.

9:42 AM: sunscreen round 2. Gonna shoot for reapplying every 90 minutes from now on. It’s starting to warm up, and the pavement is going to make it worse.

Cue the daylong nagging reminders to be careful with the heat and to hydrate and sunscreen. I must have thought I was staving off sunstroke three or four times by the end of the day.

9:45 AM: “Instant Karma's gonna get you, Gonna knock you off your feet /Better recognize your brothers, Ev'ryone you meet / Why in the world are we here? Surely not to live in pain and fear / Why on earth are you there, When you're ev'rywhere / Come and get your share”

I rewound that verse four times right then. And it was U2’s version, not Lennon’s. I was on a high point then, feeling fully warmed up and invested, having said friendly hellos to lots of people. I felt like Red at the end of The Shawshank Redemption - “Get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’. That’s goddamned right.”

9:51 AM: Petted Morris the Yellow Lab. He seemed happy to see me and likes licking sweat, the freak. Owners thought I was crazy for what I was doing. Thanks a lot, Medina Couple.

I ended up petting four dogs by the end of the day. I love them, they love me. Seeing dogs loving being dogs inspires me to try and match loving being human just as much.

10:14 AM: Potty crisis averted. Thank you Medina Police Dept HQ!

Last year in the pandemic’s upswing, there were no public restrooms open anywhere. That was a serious challenge, for several reasons. Fortunately, then and this year, I only had One Number to worry about all day. TMI, I know, but as I had several people text me during the day asking about how I’d handle the Second option, I figure you’re all wondering the same thing. Anyways, I counted seven potty stops by the end of the day (three outdoors, four….not. Couldn’t be helped. I felt like my mom’s dog marking territory on her daily walks).

It’s nature.

10:15 AM: You know how songs get stuck in your head? That happens to me with people, too. Not a bad thing, currently.

Even on a non-walkabout day, I think about the people I love. Some are always hanging around in my consciousness, as if they were sitting in the same room with me even as I’m focused on work or whatever. Other times, some people circle in loops in my head and heart - people from years ago, former flames, those who have passed on, etc. So far, there’s two or three that keep coming back to me.

Later on it was one.

10:42: Electric bikes are cheating, kid. Now get off my lawn.

My first Grumpy Old Man moment, which told me I needed to hydrate and that the truly tough part of the day was imminent - the hottest part of the day, from 11 - 5 PM.

11:08 AM: Phil McCoy, you beauty…..

One of my Brothers From Another Mother, Phil, came down to meet me and take some professional photos of my walk for a while - to use on the website, social media, etc. Phil is an extraordinarily gifted photographer and filmmaker, and he has some new photography toys he wanted to test drive as he helped me. It was awesome, and the photos you see in this post that aren’t selfies or landscapes were taken by him. He makes me look gooooooooood, don’t you think?

11:09 AM - 12:04 PM: impromptu photo shoot with Phil

These were mostly in and around Downtown Park in Bellevue, WA. I was on my third sunscreen application, too, so I smelled like coconut and sweat, and by this point I knew my right knee was going to have me limping by day’s end. Kept stretching it when I could.

11:45 AM: wow banner dancing

The video and photos below show it all better than I can describe it. These women were there from a local church, doing what they called “banner worship” to help people in the park feel good amidst the pandemic. I found out they’ve been coming to the park every Saturday since the pandemic started to help bring some beauty and joy to people in the midst of all the unprecedented challenges of the year. I love seeing and meeting people Doing Good Things Just Because It’s Good. When Phil asked me to walk behind them so he could get some shots of their flags with me in the background, one of the women there - Sally - came out of nowhere and handed me two banners, and I just didn’t question it.

I think it’s evident how much fun I ended up having.

I may get this picture framed. One of my favorite memories of the day.

This is so much of what Walkabout Day is about - meeting others, doing new things spontaneously, enjoying life and the moment fully. More on this at the end, but it’s why Walkabout Day is a microcosm for life all in one day.

So thank you, Sally and Sophie and Co., for the Gift of Divine Joy on my Walkabout Day.

12:07 PM: 9 hour left. 14.2 miles down

Still a murderous pace, despite my efforts and the banner stopover. Phil was soon on his way home, and I was staring at blowing out my miles record from the previous year. And it was waaaaaay hotter than 71 degrees. Lying weathermen suck.

12:17 PM: Indoor break. Wow - people in swanky malls sure look at you weird when you walk in, sweaty in workout clothes looking to pee and charge your phone…..

I took more joy in their discomfort than is likely healthy. But I didn’t care. I thanked God for the AC and for possible food court options for lunch. But, I opted out of Mall Lunch because none of the options would have been sitting well at all within an hour, and I knew that wasn’t going to work for me. I have a weird phobia of throwing up in the middle of a busy city street.

12:22 PM: Recharge phone. Recharge body next.

Besides forgetting sunscreen, I also forgot bandaids and a portable phone charger. Both were brain cramp omissions. That said, standing inside the mall foyer charging from a random outlet helped me slow my overall pace some, gave me time to people-watch and check in with family and friends, and a chance to really breathe and get centered for what would be the hardest push of the day - and it turned out to be much harder than I’d anticipated.

That’s called Foreshadowing. You remember that from Lit Class in sixth grade, you just don’t remember that you remember.

12:55 PM: someone is getting pizza delivered at the mall…? And why Dominos? And why at least six of them? Is The Gap having a staff meeting?

1:00 PM: Back outside, to the grocery store for lunch.

1:10 PM: Salami and cheese it is, a handful of almonds, and dark chocolate with Coconut Water as a chaser. I managed to resist the cold fried chicken. Victory. And I love GU-Gels.

Whoever the geniuses are at GU who come up with professional racing fuel are, they deserve medals. Their stuff kept me alive that day. If any of you know someone there, send them this note. Maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll sponsor me.

1:30 PM: Back into the sun. Use the high-rises for shade, you knucklehead. Just a reminder.

1:55 PM: if right now was a movie, it’d be called “Walkabout II: The Search For More Shade”

As you can tell, it was getting really tough by this point. Shade was an oasis. I was pushing nine hours without sitting, my knee really hurt, and I was sweating like crazy in the heat. I crossed out of Bellevue for the final time and began moving east, in the general direction of Issaquah, where I’d decided right then I wanted to finish the day. I also stopped tracking miles for awhile - I didn’t want to know out of fear that it would only make things harder.

Combine all those factors together, and it’s no wonder in retrospect that everything that happened - and came to mind - next happened next.

2:07 PM: Realization: I have so much more - and others - to celebrate and love than I often see.

As I ended up in more country than city, the amount of people out and about around me thinned noticeably. Fatigue in me can create worry, which triggers fear, which then triggers the desire to end that fear, which never works well for me. So, knowing that about myself, I started to do my breathing practices and let the emotions run their course. The challenge with that, though, on Walkabout Day, is that emotions about everyone and everything can come at me all at once.

At this moment, as you can tell, those were really fun emotions like gratitude, love, connection, and giddy. I enjoyed this time immensely, and even made a list in my head for a while and talked to a few people in my head. Including the one I mentioned before.

Later, those “conversations” with them - and with myself, most importantly - began to change.

2:19 PM: Hottest part of day these next few hours. Found East / west trail, heading east

You can see it here. My syntax is getting choppy.

2:41 PM: a mileand a half ago i was in city - now here’s a giant barn and petting zoo ??

The Lost Barn. I’m still not convinced it really exists. Like the Jonas Brothers, only completely different.

I thought I was seeing things. Look at the picture. That looks like something out of Pennsylvania Dutch Country, not suburban Seattle. No one I’ve talked to about the place had ever heard of it before. It was idyllic in a way, but on the other side of it was when things really got crazy and, at times, a bit scary.

2:45 - 3:05 PM - lost in woods, using compass to go east. Map app can’t get a signal. And I think I’m going to throw up.

There you have it. Twenty minutes doesn’t seem long, but at the time it felt like two hours lost. Thank God the trail was totally shaded in a beautiful forest, but I barely noticed the beauty because of the thick cottonwood I breathed in so much that it triggered coughing and then my gag reflex. Of course, fighting that off got my mind wondering if I was actually feeling sunstroke despite my good hydration to that point.

3:06 PM: Back on grid!!

I cried when I found the road and my Map App found my path again. I wasn’t thrilled that it had taken me at least two miles out of my way once I’d course corrected, but that couldn’t be avoided, at least in the mindset I was in just then. By that point it had become Issaquah or bust, rather than slowing down and just taking what came to me. I’d blend the two together better later, but at that moment things were rough.

3:22 PM: I just hit 20 miles. Holy shit. At 3:22. I’m out of my fucking head.

This was the first moment where I wondered if I’d be able to make it through the day. I felt the accomplishment, certainly, but alongside it was the knowledge of many more miles and hours to go. If it were a triathlon race, it felt like the first mile of the run leg, when so much energy has been expended already yet more needs to be spent at the hardest part of the day. It’s not a fun feeling, but it’s unavoidable.

3:40 PM: 4th sunscreen application; back of right knee pain informs me it’s considering suing me for divorce, or at least wants us to go see a counselor.

This is the moment I really hit a big wall. My emotional wave opened up hard at this point, with practically no one out on trails, something that surprised me greatly. But what I value about being on my own is that it emboldens me to do things out of the ordinary, like the following.

4:00 PM: heroes out loud, German parts too you’re damned right lady!

What I’m referring to in my sweat / fatigue induced haze is the song “Heroes” by David Bowie, which I sang out loud at the top of my lungs. Just unchained, AND in tune. And YES, including the verses in German, which I was sooooo proud of nailing without ANY mistakes. I spun around at various points like Julie Andrews on an Alpine mountainside, except I was coming up out of a forested area to a part of the trail that goes right alongside the busy I-90 corridor. That one person was on my mind, along with the end of Jo Jo Rabbit, so if that only makes sense to the two of us, then so be it.

And no, it wasn’t sunstroke talking. It was an enormous amount of deep love, pain, fear, regret, confusion, helplessness, and anger coming out along with a strong dose - somehow - of hope. I was laughing and crying at the same time. It might’ve looked insane to anyone else, but it was about as authentic a moment as I’ve ever had before like that.

Of all the moments I’ll remember on this Walkabout Day, that one might end up staying the strongest. We will see.

4:11 AM: Jesus, please take the sun away. And show me what to do with all of these emotions, and if you don’t do both then I think I’m going over your head to God and he and I are going to have a really bad fucking argument right about now.

We had a fight.

A big one. I called God every name in the book, just like I have many times before.

If that shocks you, I get why. It fits some official categories of blasphemy, and it breaks at least one of the commandments. But over the past few years I’ve experienced these moments not as times to fear, but times where I am broken open enough to listen and to really express - finally - to someone what is really going on in the darkest and most painful parts of Me. And every time I rage at God / the universe, good things happen. No joke.

I often wish I could do the same (without the full meltdown) with some of my closest loved ones, but I tend to hold back because it’s, well, A LOT. No one deserves to be hit with that kind of flood. Besides, since I have had some of the most miraculous things happen inside me and around me after God and I go a few rounds, I know in my core that I’m in a safe arena when those fights happen - God can handle my anger and accusations and rage and imploring just fine, thank you.

I don’t think any of it fits theologically, but honestly I don’t care if it does or not.

The fact that I’ve never been struck by lightning during or after, that my soul refills in the aftermath of every battle, and that I now know at my core that I Am Enough at that most divine and cosmic of levels (and so are you, so are they, so are we) proves it to me more than any words written or spoken by anyone anywhere ever could.

And to reassure anyone who might want to send a concerned email after reading that - I’m beyond good, I promise. So are you. So are we.

4:42 PM: Okay, I see better. I still don’t agree.

That’s how those fights end. Every time. And I’ll keep having them.

Didn’t see another soul the entire time. Make of that what you will. I know what it tells me.

4:43 PM: Thanks, God. Of course it’s this song for this moment. I hear you.

This one, from that same playlist.

It nearly broke me in half, right there on a back road to Issaquah. It was all I could do to not hit my knees, but I wouldn’t because I had to stay standing. I won’t ever forget that moment, either.

5:00 PM - Less than four hours left. And this is where i got stung by bees last year. Do not pee here.

I followed my own advice. I can be taught, it seems.

5:16 PM - twelve hours down exactly. Status check. Knee is suing for divorce officially, I need more water (i need a 7-11 stat), enough chews and snacks, no point in changing socks. I must be insane for doing this, but I’m not. Stop being such a complainer. This isn’t Patton’s men to Bastogne, or Meade’s men to Gettysburg, or men being marched to death on Bataan. Be thankful it isn’t and you likely will never experience anything like that.

Amen.

I had a lot of thoughts like this during the day - part of honoring those sacrifices by pushing myself, at least a little bit, beyond my comfort zone. Theirs were my experience times a kajillion.

I shouldn’t even say that. It’s not remotely the same.

Rest in peace, all of you.

[Editor’s Note: For this next entry, JDK after the fact italicized the portions that are his responses to his own crazy internal critic, who he calls Sheldon.]

5:30 PM: I’m just going to dictate all this so I can get it out of my head. That dream you have, JD, isn’t happening. Give it up already. No, it’s not happening today. Maybe not tomorrow, either. Maybe not ever. I know that. You’re not telling me anything I don’t know. But why should I give up on it? For what purpose. Living in reality, asshole. You’re such a baby on this shit. This is fairytale bullshit and you should give it up so you can just move on. What you're saying is a story, too. You can’t tell the future any more than I can. I already yelled at God about this today, so fuck off. Fairy tales for me died years ago. You know why. I can only do today. What I dream for / want isn’t insane or out of the realm of possibility. That hasn’t happened yet. None of it. Listening to you won’t do anything good for me - it never has. Or maybe if you’d listened to me earlier you wouldn’t feel as awful as you do about this right now. It’s been years, you idiot. YEARS. How long will you choose to be this pathetic and naive? I’m not the only one saying this. You have friends who’ve said the same thing. If I listened to you years ago I’d be dead. Either literally, or in every way that really matters. As for my friends, they can share what they want, but it doesn’t mean what they say is true. I know my compass and why I follow it. I know the situation better than any of them. So just stop. Besides, I don’t even know how to “give up” on dreams, whatever they are. It doesn’t make sense to me. Reality will arrive, whatever it is and whenever it will. And not once has it ever turned out how you’ve warned it would. You’re like 0 - a billion. Now piss off you fucking reaming ugly sonofabitch asshole. Your funeral.

Yikes. Yeah. It hurts to read that, even now. But it’s where I was at. Sheldon went away eventually. He does every time.

5:43 PM: Dude get out of your head. Breathe. Call some people. That’ll help.

I did. Didn’t share all that was above, but the calls and text check-ins helped a lot. You all know who you are, though you didn’t know the gift you were giving me at that moment.

5:57 PM: 26.2 miles. I’ve walked a marathon. That’s sooooo crazy.

Never done that before. Gotta say it was pretty great. It put a smile on my face for the first time in hours. Then I did the math and realized that my final stop - decided to make it Stacy and Pete’s again - was another six or so miles away.

5:57 PM: Damn -another six or so miles to go. I might die overnight if I survive that.

I wasn’t sure I was overreacting. Not at that point. 99% sure, but not 100%.

6:02 PM: Call mom. She’s going to be worried how you’re doing.

Did so. Sometimes, a guy just needs to talk to his mom. Turns out I’d forgotten to remind her I was doing Walkabout Day, so she found out on Facebook / Instagram / Twitter like everyone else. Whoops. Sorry, Mom. Thanks for being so gracious about that.

6:22 PM: I need some Gatorade. The green apple kind that doesn’t taste like apple at all. I love that shit.

Yep, the punchy had started. I got that Gatorade and it was beyond fabulous. It lasted about 35 minutes inside me, as is how nature intended it.

6:46 PM: Final push! One big hill left. My guess is 8:30 arrival.

This is where a second stupid thing happened. Instead of going a shorter way up the hundreds of feet high hill to Stacy and Pete’s I took the far longer - and less forgiving - route. Added at least a mile to my total. Didn’t realize my mistake until I was halfway up the damned hill.

The tunnel I missed originally. Another metaphor, of course.

7:21 PM: Oh holy hell I went the long way. I’m an idiot.

That’s the moment I figured it out.

7:32 PM: 30 miles. Holy living moly.

Believe me, I feel every one of those miles today.

7:42 PM: Oh man I just avoided disaster. Thanks conscience / intuition / God / Jiminy Cricket.

This could’ve been BAD. I mistakenly missed a turn on the pathway up the hill and was on my way deeper into the forest and away from my destination, all with darkness descending and no one around and my phone battery at 7%. The last anyone knew where I was, it was in downtown Issaquah, very far from the deep forest. I would’ve been lost in the dark with my body falling apart had not that little voice not flicked at me, and had I not listened.

It’s the opposite voice of Sheldon. I shall name him Leonard.

Thanks, Leonard.

7:58 PM: Top of the hill. Hardest part done. Go get it.

I was walking like John Wayne if he were 101 years old and trying to climb onto a horse. Chafed (forgot to prep for that, too), feet aching, knee just plain angry and likely plotting a contract hit on me, caked in sweat and sunscreen grease and dirt. Hungry for some real food and regretting the green apple Gatorade. I saw the sun begin to set from the top of the hill, but didn’t take a picture of it.

8:00 PM: You’re gonna make it.

8:17 PM: Turn into Stacy’s subdivision, and coyotes are in the street. Four of them. Maybe they smelled my exhaustion.

They were right in the middle of the road, hanging there like dudes around a barbeque while the meat cooks. That wasn’t an encouraging image right in that moment. Fortunately, one angry shout dispersed them. I was never remotely in danger, I know, but I also knew that there was no way I could outrun them or get up easily if I fell down. That’s never a good feeling.

Later, I looked it up and in the Navajo tradition, crossing paths with a coyote is a sign to not continue your journey any longer, because something bad is going to happen beyond it before your journey is over.

Glad I didn’t know that when it happened, but there was also NO WAY IN HELL that I was turning back, obviously. And nothing bad happened.

8:34 PM: The eagle has landed. But don’t get out of the lander yet.

I was four minutes off in my prediction, and I wouldn’t sit until sunset at 8:56. So, what to do? Stacy and Pete were out but had left me ointments and meds. So I slowly unloaded my flotsam and jetsam onto their counter and peeled off shoes and socks and threw them outside. I leaned on the counter top to keep weight off my feet, and sent out pics of my stats to people. It killed the minutes one by one.

Then, finally, the time arrived:

8:56 PM: DONE

Here’s the actual moment:

END OF DIARY.

What followed was glorious - Stacy and Pete brought me food, I was able to shower and clean up because they had clothes there that fit me, I destroyed two Red Bulls (my favorite post insane race /event treat), I got to recount my fabulous day in detail - and make no mistake, this was a GLORIOUS day despite the tough stuff - and revel in the fact that I went far beyond what I ever thought I could do.

And that’s what Walkabout Day is. It shows that we are stronger than we think, that we can do things we think we can’t, have conversations we think we can’t (even with cosmic powers) and survive, that we can heal even when we are convinced we can’t, and so much more. If Walkabout Day is about life in a microcosm, it shows us that we can get out of it so much more than we think, even when it sucks. In fact, it has to suck sometimes for us to learn how to fight for what’s good on the other side.

Sometimes, we have to scream “Heroes” into the ether.

Sometimes, we have to just let God - however we understand him / her / it - just have it, because we’ve had enough. And then see that we can survive.

Other times, we wave the banners offered to us in celebration of life and all that comes with it.

And yet other times, we need to let the messages we get that nearly break us in half. “Someday this will all pay off.”

Sometimes, we have to let all the feelings we have coexist, even when it feels beyond gross to sit in them like in a dirty bathtub.

Sometimes, all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and trust that there is a safe landing space on the other end - with Red Bulls - even after the coyotes tell us to stop. The Fates aren’t right, you know.

Sometimes, we have to remember that others have had it harder, others DO have it harder, and that there are many who have sacrificed everything of themselves to give us the chance to have these battles with ourselves and the universe, the opportunity to do the Things of Life that have so much meaning, both in a joyful and painful sense:

To find love. To lose love. Then maybe find it again. Or maybe not. Or find it in a new way.

To learn to love and live in the moment, without throwing out the past or trying to control the future.

To find and build our best selves. Then never stop trying for more.

To learn what it means to be Enough, then learn how to support others seeking the same.

To experience not getting what we want, especially when it’s not good for us. Then seeing why.

To make dreams come true, then dream new dreams. Or have others fail, then - you guessed it - dream new dreams, even when we are convinced we can’t bear to try again.

And that when we push ourselves, there are always costs and gains - and we need recovery time along the way (mine was a baseball game, ballpark food, and then icing and Epsom salt bathing). The gains are worth the costs if we keep going.

My reward the next day. Note the brace on my right knee. It’s still not talking to me.

And along the way, we need to go into places for help - for me, it was various grocery stores that had the replenishment I needed, Whereas in life, it could be just about anywhere with anyone who can supply whatever replenishment we need. It takes others to help us, to walk the 32.68 of our own lives, however many “miles” we may actually have left. There’s no way to know.

I do Walkabout Days on Memorial Day because it’s the perfect time to remember and celebrate being human, to experience being Us, in spaces that continue to be provided by people and powers outside of ourselves. Many lost their chances at full lives before their time, and I struggle to balance the utter sadness and anger about lives cut far too short with gratitude for the results of those losses (even as a historian, I understand why such wars happen) and even support the efforts of some if not all, I still consider it all beyond tragic. Some say rightly that we are naturally aggressive creatures, so wars happen. Yet we are also naturally loving and nurturing creatures who seek safety and community and love and meaning and peace. I will always want and pursue the latter, even if it makes the “how to find / make / preserve peace” questions that much stickier for me.

That’s why I do Walkabout Day. Because it isn’t easy, yet it’s the most simple concept imaginable.

At least that’s how I see it all today. We will see where I end up as my Life Walkabout continues, but I don’t see any coyotes.

Not yet, anyway. And even if I do, they might not be an omen of anything. It’s the only way to live life.

Just keep going.

If you’d like to join me for part or all of Walkabout Day next year, let me know. Or, better yet, do one yourself wherever you are. It could become a thing.

We could be Heroes. Just For One Day.

Für Einen Tag.

Chins Up, Everyone.

***************
Thanks for reading My Memorial Day Post. Here are some important updates from my past week:

Soul Book of the Week: Falling Upward by Richard Rohr. Still going through this one….

Book On My Nightstand: First Re-read book: Fatherland by Robert Harris

Best Show / Movie I Watched: Gone Girl. Way late on seeing this one, and Rosamund Pike now scares the hell out of me. And Ben Affleck still bugs me.

Strongest Earworm Song: “Heroes.” See above.

Best Triathlon Training Moment: I walked 32 miles in one day. That freaking counts, right?

Toughest Triathlon Training Moment: The day after. My lower body felt like it was on fire inside cement.

Favorite Hangout Shirt of the Week: This one. Because at first I thought it was just a way to honor Hank Aaron’s 755 career home runs, then after I bought it, when I looked up what the number symbolizes, I loved it even more. Serendipity definitely. Maybe. We’ll see. Or not.

Coolest Thing of the Week: Banner Worship.

Thing I Know Now That I Didn’t Last Week: See 755. Sorry - I’m being lazy. Still tired.

Most Helpful Perspective / Advice of the Week: My own.

Current Wanderlust List: 1) California Still; 2) Lake Chelan, WA; 3) A minor league baseball game. Anyone want to go with me?

Push and Pull

Sunrise, Sunset